Everyone has a unique experience with parenting; being a parent as well as the nature and being of their parents. There are so many learned behaviors that, we as children, are introduced to as we grow up.
Regardless of the household formation (married, separated, divorced, co-parent, or traveling parent) the way you were raised as a child is impacting your family and the way your children show up in the world.
Who My Dad Was
My Dad was head of civil engineering for the city of LA. He held a strong position at work and within our local community; something I did not fully understand or feel growing up.
He was awake, out of the house, headed to work before the sun was up, and was home by 6PM every night to sit down for a family dinner. And, every Saturday morning he had a routine to sneak out of the house way before any of us were awake and return just as we were waking up so we did not feel his absence.
My dad would walk through the front door (no later than noon) carrying a great lunch from downtown LA (dim-sum from China town and tacos from Olvera Street were some of my favorite staples). Although we knew he had a job, he always made us feel like his first priority.
My Dad is My Mentor
School did not come easily to me. For more than a decade I was up late trying to get my homework done and he was always by my side. He would stay up with me most nights till 11PM, regardless of the fact that his alarm was going to sound off at 5:30AM. He was determined to make sure I really grasped the content and subjects. I shed a lot of tears and regularly felt defeat.
He was my accountability partner, championing me to never give up.
In my twenties, he was there for me (my flip phone or Blackberry in hand) on my drive to and from work, as my confidant. I shared with him my challenges with wanting to stand up and stand out while also maneuvering the land mines of office politics. As usual, he quickly moved into the position of being my first mentor.
My dad is my mentor. Words cannot express how deeply I love and value him. I know I would not be the woman I am today if he was not in my life.
Progressing Through Patterns
We all follow patterns in life. Patterns we subconsciously saw our parents, siblings, friends or the occasional TV show display. Whether you realize it or not we are following a pattern, like knitting or setting a program code. It’s ingrained in the fabric of our DNA.
Do you know what pattern you are following? Do you know what pattern you are forming? You make an indelible impact on your child’s life and future. Think about the role you have played in your child’s life this far. Or, perhaps even more sobering, think about the role you wish and want to play.
It’s never too late to keep progressing and filling in the gaps of who you want to be (or better yet, who you want your children to emulate).
To help you connect to an outcome your heart truly desires: think about the day when you turn 85 years old. On that day, sometime in the near or distant future, what do you wish your child or grandchildren would say about you?
Dear Dad,
To my Dad, I say: Happy Father’s Day Daddy. You were my first tutor, my first accountability coach and my first mentor. Thank you for giving me so many beautiful gifts that cannot be packaged, wrapped and tied in a bow; but were nevertheless tangible, memorable and I will carry with me forever.
Your legacy lives in me and I joyously get to share it with my children, my family, my friends and co-workers every day!
